Why I'm doing this....

I feel I owe you all an explanation of why I’m setting out to try to start a career in photography. At 31 no less, this type of thing is normally started in someone’s twenties I suppose; but I’ve always been a late bloomer.

I’ve known since I was a teenager that I was never destined to live a nice cushy life in America or work at a corporate job, although this is how my life looks at the moment. I’ve always known that I was meant to be in a developing country working with the locals and children, immersing myself into their lives and their culture. Although this dream managed to conveniently be forgotten when the nice substantial regular paychecks started coming in; it never really left me, kind of like a piece of toilet paper that gets stuck to your shoe.

I’ve lived a very interesting and colorful life, full of challenges and obstacles that I never let stop me. I live my life with the motto; it’ll all work out, somehow. Recently, within the last year or so; I’ve reached a new level of discontent with my job and my life. Not that I live a hard or miserable life, but just feeling unfulfilled, which I came to discover, made me miserable. I’ve been struggling with that age old question: What am I supposed to do with my life!? I have all these experiences, good and bad, and have this invaluable experience from my job which has refined my business sense and I’m smart and I’m artistic… how can I tie all of these things together to make me feel like I’m doing something meaningful with my life and helping others.

So, I was throwing different ideas around in my head, none of them seeming to encapsulate everything. The one consistent thing however, was, I need to start trying to sell my pictures. This can be a source of income, however small it may be, and is something I can do no matter where I’m at in the world. So while playing with this idea, debating it and trying to talk myself out of it, I finally figured it out… the master plan. Well, the master plan of the moment anyways.
The most accurate analogy I have of what I was feeling is this. It was like I had all the pieces of the puzzle, but I was missing the puzzle box with the picture on it and couldn’t figure out how to put it together. I have my intellect and my business sense, financing to be specific. That’s what I do for my day job. I have my artsy-fartsy side with the pictures and this latest venture with attempting to sell my pictures. (I promise to have at least one thing posted on Etsy by Sunday morning!) I have my desire that I’ve never lost, nor will I ever lose to help people, those that are genuinely in need, specifically children and women. I have the invaluable experience, that as horrendous as it was while I was in it, I wouldn’t change it for anything because it’s made me the woman I am today, of having survived a physical, emotional and verbally abusive relationship for three years. All of these things make up who I am and all of them I believe can be used to accomplish a common goal and bring fulfillment to me and ultimately bring honor and joy to my Father in heaven.

So, here’s my idea that’s crazy enough that I can’t accomplish it, but only God can. And it’s the first thing in a long time that has gotten me excited and passionate that hasn’t fizzled out within a couple days or weeks. While I have an idea of how to start accomplishing this, the course could change, but the final destination is ultimately what’s important here. With the experience of learning how to market and sell my own trade products (photos) I can take that knowledge to other countries and help ladies start to be able to sell their own products. After all, the whole fair-trade thing seems to be huge and not going anywhere. Also, this is the piece that really tied everything together, I can use my financing background to help with micro-financing so that these women can get their own little things off the ground and running. I specifically see using this to help women be able to support themselves and their children and possibly leave unhealthy and potentially dangerous situations and to help children to be able to learn a skill and be able to support themselves, orphans primarily, as they don’t have families. Obviously, it needs some refining, but it’s a start. And when you’ve spent the last 8 years I guess, just living from paycheck to paycheck with no real satisfying goal in mind, the beginnings of something, however rough and unrefined they may be, are like an oasis in the Sahara!

Anyways, I feel like a big goober, because I haven’t really told many people about this. And it seems so out there and unreal I sometimes think I’m nuts. But I’ve always had big dreams and goals, and even if I fall a million times trying to do it, I’ll run after it till the door is sufficiently slammed in my face and my dense self finally realizes it’s impossible and not going to happen. However, I have a feeling, that’s not going to be the outcome of this.