The Future

This blog has the potential to either become extremely exciting or extremely boring in the next 6 months!

So, now that I've taken a week to let the news that was shared with us sink in... I feel like I'm finally ready to share some more on the public domain regarding it. My brain feels as though it's been the little metal ball in a very active pinball machine for the last week. I've gone over countless scenarios of what to do with my life and which direction to go.

Initially, my panic stricken gut induced reaction was to continue with the Portland plan. But still, it doesn't feel quite right. Keep in mind, the portland idea has been around for a few years, I was still with my ex a number of years ago when it first came up. He's actually the one that put that idea in my head and boy did I fight it. It was only after I was out on my own that i started to ponder the idea of embracing this path. But it's never really sat well with me. As soon as I started feeling like it was settling down inside my head this week, pondering that idea, i still couldn't embrace it. I woke up Monday for working thinking, I hate my job, I don't want to go to work. And then naturally, that progressed to... will those thoughts really change just because i'm in a different city and office doing essentially the same job?

On Tuesday, someone had told me, it's as if God is saying, "what do you WANT to do esther?". I've thought about this question a lot over the last few days. So much so that last night when traffic was backed up and it was obvious it was going to be a 90 minute, yes, you read that right, an hour and a half commute home! I couldn't deal with it last night, so I turned around and went to the beach. The beautiful cold grey northern california beach. And i sat in my car and i thought...

What DO i WANT to do? Normally when people would ask me that, it would be while discussing work... my job, what i've done for the last 10 years which is financing/leasing. I'd tell them, I want to travel and take pictures. They'd laugh at me and say, ok, now seriously, what do you want to do? I still want to travel and take pictures. And for all intents and purposes, this is my opportunity to do just that! I'm single, I have no kids, I have no mortgage or car payment. I'm getting some money from the job. When will I have this opportunity again, to be able to set out with no pre determined date that I have to be back to work!?! I even talked to my brother (who proceeded to tell me with lots of colorful language, I'd be an idiot to let this opportunity go by without taking it!) and he's agreed to house and pet sit for me long term while I'm out galavanting across the globe. And the most wonderful part of all of this I think... I feel completely at ease, peacefull and SO excited about it!!!

So, now it's a matter of researching different things. I'm still not one to rush into things without a little bit of asking opinions under my belt, so I'll probably run the idea by a couple other people older and wiser than I. But I'm pretty sure this is the route I'm gonna take. I think I'll get a nice new laptop, since the one I'd been using got a virus and is shot! I won't get started on that! And I may even get a digital SLR camera and some lenses. I know I know, this goes against everything I've said earlier. But I don't want to have to worry about carting around and/or buying loads of film while I'm in Africa, or Japan, or India, or Europe!! And if I have digital, I can put pictures up right away for all 2 of my adoring readers to admire.

So, sit back, strap in, relax and enjoy the adventure I'm about to set off on!!!!

decisions decisions....

So, yesterday started out to be a normal day. And then at about 9 am all hell at work started breaking loose. The consolidated story (because I don't feel like typing for days) is that they've decided to close the office I work in and move everything up to Portland.

So you say to yourself... but Esther, this should be good news, it was just the other day you were talking about moving up to Portland with work. Well, yes, yes i was. However, that was while I was still gainfully employed with the company still operating as it was. Now I've been told that my last day of work will be January 14, I'll have a retention bonus because they're keeping me longer than most of my other co-workers and I'll have 5 weeks of severance pay. On top of this, I'm sure I could collect unemployment.

Now, god bless 'em, I'm at a massive crossroads having to make a decision. Do I take the money and run and get out of corporate financing, an industry that's given me more grey hairs than I care to admit and has caused me to cry unexplicably and that ultimately, I don't really want to be doing... at least not this kind of financing and try to pursue photography full time or even something else that's less stress and that i actually enjoy. Or, do I still try to transfer up to Portland, have to interview for a job I've already been doing, just because it's in a new location, and continue on with the plan to go to school and try to salvage at least the retention bonus to help with moving costs?

Either direction will send my life in a massively new and different direction and will have a huge impact on me. To be honest... i'm scared.

Holy Leaping Lizards Batman!!

I'm amazed at how things work out sometimes... or at least start to work out and proceed down the road to working out with no major speed bumps in sight!

So in a previous post I mentioned the grand plan... But I don't think I got into details on how some of that can/will be accomplished. There's a good possibility I may relocate from the beautiful san francisco bay area to portland oregon. Why portland when you live in one of the most wonderful areas of the world you ask. Well... the bank I work for has their financing hq located up there... which is the area i happen to work in. And, on top of that, the bank i work for has a tuition reimbursement program. Believe it or not, i've never been to college. So, I need to get out of the area for a few reasons, which will stay vague and mysterious for the time being. Anyhooo, I was dropping something off for the boss' boss to sign and he engaged me in conversation, which is typical. Throughout the course of conversation my plan came up. I was hesitant to mention this, generally, you don't want to tell your employer you don't plan on working for them for the rest of your life. But it was past the point of no return and I had to spill the beans. Much to my pleasant surprise, he was more than excited and supportive of me. Informed me he has some business contacts in India, where I'm looking at going for the micro-financing and also told me he'd make calls up to portland to get me in with transferring when I was ready!! Can you believe it!?! Seems as though the ducks are lining up... oh yes, they are!

LIFE

While the cereal and game by that name are two of my favorite things, this post is not about them. Rather... well, life. so, I know in my last post, I said I'd have some stuff on etsy by sunday morning, and as i'm sure you know, if you're keeping track (even though i'm probably really the only one aware of these things) there's nothing posted on etsy. I do actually have a very real legitimate excuse. My mom was in the hospital. There you have it... life happened and I spent the entire day sitting at kaiser. BORING... especially when i was thinking about all the other things i needed to be doing. BUT, just like life likes to do... i got another shocking surprise today. I'd been sitting here thinking, as I do, while I commute to work and while i sit at my desk and should be working.... i should try to get my photos into an art show or something like that. And low and behold... a co worker hosts art shows. So there you have it, nothing posted on etsy, but an open door to get an art show going on! whoooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooo!!!