The Future

This blog has the potential to either become extremely exciting or extremely boring in the next 6 months!

So, now that I've taken a week to let the news that was shared with us sink in... I feel like I'm finally ready to share some more on the public domain regarding it. My brain feels as though it's been the little metal ball in a very active pinball machine for the last week. I've gone over countless scenarios of what to do with my life and which direction to go.

Initially, my panic stricken gut induced reaction was to continue with the Portland plan. But still, it doesn't feel quite right. Keep in mind, the portland idea has been around for a few years, I was still with my ex a number of years ago when it first came up. He's actually the one that put that idea in my head and boy did I fight it. It was only after I was out on my own that i started to ponder the idea of embracing this path. But it's never really sat well with me. As soon as I started feeling like it was settling down inside my head this week, pondering that idea, i still couldn't embrace it. I woke up Monday for working thinking, I hate my job, I don't want to go to work. And then naturally, that progressed to... will those thoughts really change just because i'm in a different city and office doing essentially the same job?

On Tuesday, someone had told me, it's as if God is saying, "what do you WANT to do esther?". I've thought about this question a lot over the last few days. So much so that last night when traffic was backed up and it was obvious it was going to be a 90 minute, yes, you read that right, an hour and a half commute home! I couldn't deal with it last night, so I turned around and went to the beach. The beautiful cold grey northern california beach. And i sat in my car and i thought...

What DO i WANT to do? Normally when people would ask me that, it would be while discussing work... my job, what i've done for the last 10 years which is financing/leasing. I'd tell them, I want to travel and take pictures. They'd laugh at me and say, ok, now seriously, what do you want to do? I still want to travel and take pictures. And for all intents and purposes, this is my opportunity to do just that! I'm single, I have no kids, I have no mortgage or car payment. I'm getting some money from the job. When will I have this opportunity again, to be able to set out with no pre determined date that I have to be back to work!?! I even talked to my brother (who proceeded to tell me with lots of colorful language, I'd be an idiot to let this opportunity go by without taking it!) and he's agreed to house and pet sit for me long term while I'm out galavanting across the globe. And the most wonderful part of all of this I think... I feel completely at ease, peacefull and SO excited about it!!!

So, now it's a matter of researching different things. I'm still not one to rush into things without a little bit of asking opinions under my belt, so I'll probably run the idea by a couple other people older and wiser than I. But I'm pretty sure this is the route I'm gonna take. I think I'll get a nice new laptop, since the one I'd been using got a virus and is shot! I won't get started on that! And I may even get a digital SLR camera and some lenses. I know I know, this goes against everything I've said earlier. But I don't want to have to worry about carting around and/or buying loads of film while I'm in Africa, or Japan, or India, or Europe!! And if I have digital, I can put pictures up right away for all 2 of my adoring readers to admire.

So, sit back, strap in, relax and enjoy the adventure I'm about to set off on!!!!